My Redneck Came Out All Over Highland Park, Illinois Today

I KNOW, I'M TYPING IN ALL CAPITALS. I KNOW THAT MEANS THAT I AM SHOUTING. AND THAT IS BECAUSE I AM! I JUST SPENT AN HOUR IN LINE AT THE CAR WASH WATCHING ONE CAR AFTER ANOTHER HAVE PROBLEMS. FOR MY PEEPS DOWN IN TEXAS LET ME EXPLAIN THE CAR WASHES UP HERE IN THE ARTIC CIRCLE. ON EITHER SIDE OF THE CARWASH ARE GARAGE DOORS. YOU PAY AT THE LITTLE THINGIE AND THEN DRIVE UP TO THE DOOR. THE DOOR OPENS AND YOU DRIVE IN. THEN WHEN YOUR CAR IS CLEAN THE DOOR ON THE OTHER END OPENS AND YOU DRIVE OUT. WELL, THE DOORS WERE NOT WORKING PROPERLY TODAY. WHEN I GOT UP TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE (AFTER I PAID) THERE WAS A LITTLE OLD MAN IN A VAN IN FRONT OF ME. AS SOON AS HIS WASH WAS OVER THE GARAGE DOORS OPENED AND THE ONE IN FRONT OF HIM SLAMMED DOWN IMMEDIATELY BARELY MISSING HIS VAN. HE SAT THERE HONKING AS IF SOMEONE WOULD OPEN THE DOOR BEFORE HE FINALLY GOT OUT. HE ASKED ME IF I WOULD GO IN AND TELL THE GAS STATION ATTENDANT OF HIS PROBLEM. THEN THE CAR WASH STARTED GOING AND THIS POOR LITTLE OLD MAN WAS GETTING SPRAYED FROM ALL DIRECTIONS WITH A HIGH-POWERED SPRAYER WHILE I WAS YELLING TO HIM TO GET BACK IN THE VAN, TURN OFF THE ENGINE AND STAY THERE. HE DID. I LITERALLY HAD TO CLIMB OVER A HUGE MOUND OF PLOWED SNOW AND WALK TO THE STATION. I WENT IN AND TOLD THE VERY UNFRIENDLY LADY WHAT WAS HAPPENING. SHE SAID "STUPID OLD MAN JUST DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO USE A CAR WASH!" I SAID, "WELL, I SAW THE WHOLE THING AND IT WAS NO FAULT OF HIS." SHE SAID, "WELL YOU ARE STUPID, TOO AND YOU JUST LOST YOUR CAR WASH." I WALKED OUT THE DOOR AND THE LITTLE OLD MAN WAS DRIVING OUT. I STOPPED HIM AND TOLD HIM WHAT THE LADY SAID. HE WENT INTO THE STATION. I TOLD EVERYONE IN LINE BEHIND ME WHAT HAPPENED AND THEY ALL LEFT. I GOT MY RECEIPT AND WENT BACK IN THE STATION TO GET A REFUND. THERE WAS A POLICE OFFICER STANDING NEXT TO THE REGISTER (LUCKY FOR HER). SHE HANDED ME ANOTHER RECEIPT WITH ANOTHER CODE ON IT FOR A CAR WASH. ARG!!! IN MY BEST REDNECK TEXAS ACCENT I SAID "I DON'T WANT A CAR WASH ANYMORE! I WILL NEVER DO BUSINESS HERE AGAIN! IF THIS WAS THE LAST CAR WASH LEFT ON EARTH THEN I WOULD HAVE A VERY DIRTY VAN. I WANT MY MONEY BACK. FURTHERMORE, I THINK YOU ARE RUDE AND DISRESPECTFUL OF THE ELDERLY." SHE GAVE ME MY RECEIPT AND TOLD ME TO WRITE WHY I WANTED A REFUND. I WROTE DOWN HALF MY COMPLAINT AND ASKED FOR ANOTHER PIECE OF PAPER TO FINISH. SHE GAVE ME MY MONEY AND OFFERED TO EXPLAIN THE CAR WASH TO ME. I SAID "IT WASN'T ME! I KNOW HOW TO USE A STINKING CAR WASH. IT WASN'T EVEN THE LITTLE OLD MAN'S FAULT. YOU ARE RUDE AND, AND, AND. YOU'RE STUPID!" And then I walked very quickly out the door with my head held high while all the customers behind me were laughing, at her I hope. It wasn't my most graceful moment. I wasn't the patient witness that I always try to be. What would Jesus do? Well, I know he wouldn't have yelled at the lady and called her stupid. But I think he would have stood up for the little old man anyway. If everyone was a little more patient and compassionate then life would go a lot more smoothly.